I’m contemplating leaving the job scene for a year while I concentrate on trying out something else. When I mentioned this idea to someone, the first thing he said was “Mid-Life Crisis?”
I wondered if that is what most people think, that whenever someone starts questioning if their current way of life is for the best, it means they are having a mid life crisis.
I don’t think I am having a mid life crisis ; as much as I am examining my life base on my five year look-back. I do this almost every four to five years, looking at what I have done, what I am doing and whether it is a waste of my time and whether I have done anything I really wanted to do. I did this when I was in my early twenties, after the “look back” I left a really well paying job, went to London on a working holiday visa and looked for a job.
My reasons for leaving were very different then. I wanted to see the world and test my resolve to be a truly independent person for the first time in my life . I had no friends in the UK, I found lodgings , got a job by myself and made friends . I did feel the experience gave me a lot of confidence in being able to take care of myself.
This time round, I woke up in the middle of the night one day and found myself asking what I was doing with my life.
It can be an exhausting and depressing project, this search for meaning.
My work is neither challenging nor interesting nor moving anywhere. I’m equally ambivalent about searching for a new job, afraid that I would end back up in the same “crisis” five years down the road.
This decision would probably be a lot easier, if I know what is the alternative to this mundane existence. The opportunity, the motivation and the drive is just not lined up yet.
And the fear of watching my hard earned savings start to depreciate has also created a huge block that slammed back any impulsive jumps I had decided that I wanted to make.
But I haven’t been completely idle; while going through life and its banal routine, I churned out a book and is on my second attempt at creating another universe with another book.
I haven’t sold one copy of the book yet, not sure if that is a sign from the universe or society telling me to keep my day job but it IS an option.
I also started working part time online, earning an extra income. It isn’t much but I thought it would provide me with another option to survive if indeed I am to go ahead with plans to quit my job and spent more time on non-income generating activities.
It’s still not the perfect set up yet, but I think I’m starting to stack up a solution that I could live with (literally).